When something isn’t going well with a relationship or a project we tend to look out.
He’s at fault!
She needs to change!
We might accept part of the problem but it’s common to justify putting off our change until we first see change in the other.
Everyone waits. Nothing happens.
Here’s what the Arbinger Institute suggests we say instead…
As far as I am concerned, the problem is me.
“The most important move consists of my putting down my resistance and beginning to act in the way I want the other person to act. We have to be willing to change even when others do not and to sustain the change whether or not others reciprocate.”
“Remember the principle to apply is, as far as I am concerned, the problem is me. I am the place to start. Others’ responses will depend mostly on what they see in me.”