Mine!

I woke up to the duvet being pulled away and the cold air hitting me. I grabbed hold of the duvet and yanked it back from him with the kind of toy-grabbing determination of a four-year-old.

I lay awake and pondered my forceful response to this small event—how many reactions are the result of “Mine!” thinking?

I thought about the previous night. He had said something that I would normally have reacted to, but I didn’t. A win for self-control. I felt pleased with myself.

That was short-lived, though, because later that same night, while talking in bed, he said something else—and I really let him have it.

The earlier moment had felt much stronger and more worthwhile than my reaction, and yet I forgot all about it hours later when he said something I disagreed with.

In the first instance, I decided that the thing he was “taking away” from me didn’t matter. In the latter, I was more interested in holding on to my point of view than hearing his.

I think the next time I feel a reaction coming on, I am going to check in on how much “Mine!” is in the room.

Am I being an army-foldy, brow-furrowed four-year-old?

What, if anything, am I about to lose?

They say that the journey from childhood to adulthood takes 18 years, but it’s evident that middle-aged me has more “growing up” to do. I’m still learning how to make room for different views and ways of doing things—while playing nicely.

Photo by Ladislav Stercell on Unsplash